Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Awakening to the Goddess of Love in You

Which aspect of the Goddess of Love and Sexuality do you most identify with? Is it Aphrodite, goddess of love, beauty and sensuality?  Or perhaps Shakti, the Primal Goddess of creation, the life force? Or do you see yourself more as a priestess of the Goddess, such as a Temple Prostitute or a Sexual Healer?

The Goddess of love and sexuality has many names and aspects. She represents a side of the Divine Feminine that depicts women’s sensual and sexual nature as well as their abilities to heal and transmute sexual energy. These goddess archetypes have often been seen from a very narrow point of view based on the time that they were created in. The mythology of any culture always reflects the values of that culture and so do the pantheon of gods and goddesses that are created. What was once said about Aphrodite in Greek society is not necessarily what she represents for modern women today. Archetypes must change and reflect the current the age that they live in.

An archetype is a universally understood symbol, term, statement, or pattern of behavior, a prototype upon which others are copied, patterned, or emulated. Archetypes are often used in myths and storytelling across different cultures. In psychology, an archetype is a model of a person, personality, or behavior. An archetype can be said to express the presence of a divine force within the human soul that manifests itself in all of the typically human patterns of thought, feeling, imagery, and behavior.

Five Aspects of the Goddess/Priestess of Love and Sexuality

I have delineated five basic archetypes of the Goddesses and priestesses of Love and Sexuality: the Goddess of Love and Beauty, the Primal Goddess, the Sacred Prostitute or Courtesan, and the Sexual Healer who has primarily emerged over the past 15 years. Of course each of these archetypes have many different names, some of which are for the Goddess of Love, Aphrodite, Venus, Innana and Oshun; Lilith, Shakti, Pele and Brigit for the Primal Goddess aspects;  Ishtar, Astarte, Ashtereth for the Holy Whore.


The Primal Goddess, Lilith

Many of the goddesses representing sensuality and sexuality are seen as dark or dangerous, this aspect of the feminine is to be feared. Lilith is one example from the Hebrew Midrash who was considered the first woman before Eve. She can also be considered one of the first primal goddesses and is often demonized for her role in the mythology of the Garden of Eden.  Lilith was told by Adam to lie beneath him so that he would be in a superior sexual position and  Lilith said no. She did not want to feel subservient to man and would not obey Adam's command so she left. When Adam told God, he sent his Angels to get her back but she refused. She preferred to be cast out of Eden to willingly copulate with the demons anyway she wanted to.

Lilith represents, strength and defiance, she is wild and uncontrollable. She is everything “man” fears about the feminine. Clarissa Pincola Estes describes this archetype in her book Women Who Run with the Wolves, as unfettered, primal in her passions, wild and free adhering only to her own truth. She is instinctive and is not afraid to be fully sexual, passionate or lustful.


Aphrodite the Goddess of Love, Sensuality and Beauty

Aphrodite is often mysterious and fascinatingly exotic to men and tends to be a disturbing presence in the workplace of the fatherland.”- The Goddess Within.

If a woman is blessed by Aphrodite it generally means that she will be very much at ease with her body and have a healthy, uncomplicated relationship with her sexuality.  Later as she matures this may appear as almost a rather casual regard for her sexuality.  One of her most predominant traits is to love being in love but only in relatedness with another. Aphrodite is never one to have sex without a feeling of connection no matter whether it is for hour, night or year.  She is also known as the Goddess of Pleasure for she loves to be pleasured.  She often attracted to either sex and follows where her heart leads.


The Holy Whore/Sacred Prostitute

The lineage of the Sacred Protsitute is an ancient one. Ishtar, the Great Whore of Babylon, was sometimes called the Goddess Har since she was the mother of the Harlots. These Harlots were not prostitutes as we know them, but priestesses, sorceresses, prophets, and healers. Sacred Whores were known sometimes as the Holy Virgins of Goddesses such as Ishtar, Asherah.

Jungian psychologist Nancy Qualls-Corbett describes the Holy Whore in her book, The Sacred Prostitute, as "a woman, who, through ritual or psychological development, has come to know the spiritual side of her sexuality, her true Eroticism, and lives this out according to her individual circumstances."

Priestesses devoted their lives and their bodies to the Goddess. Herodotus wrote that Babylonian brides were required by law to prostitute themselves at the temple for seven days prior to marriage in order to appease the Goddess, who disapproved of monogamy. Spending time as a holy whore blessed the maiden.


The Sacred Courtesean

In the Renaissance the Italian word “cortigiana”, feminine of “cortigiano” came to refer to “the ruler’s mistress”, and then to a well-educated and independent woman of loose morals, eventually a trained artisan of dance and singing, especially one associated with wealthy, powerful, or upper-class men who provided luxuries and status in exchange for companionship. In Ancient Greek society she was know as the Hetaera.

The function of the Hetaera is to awaken the individual psychic life in the male and lead him through and beyond his male responsibilities towards the formation of a total personality.  Usually this development becomes the task of the second half of life, i.e. after the social position has been established." –Structural Forms of the Feminine Psyche.

The courteseans of old were special women who learned how to survive on their feminine wiles. Often they were women who came from impoverished circumstances with no dowry and hence no way to marry. Some were intelligent, funny, creative women who chose not to live the defined role of women in their societies. Aspasia, Theodora and Veronica Franco are just a few of these women or sacred courtesans. All of these women have a gift to offer to modern woman today.

Embracing the Goddess, Priestess of Love and Sexuality in You

In our modern world how women are seen is still greatly influenced by these images of the feminine. Although most women do not know this, they too have allowed themselves to be seen and to see themselves through the lens of one or more of these archetypes. We fear, hide, are ashamed, or exploit our sexual power. Very few women fully use and embody their authentic feminine power, standing in their feminine strength, love, beauty, intelligence, grace, and sexuality. When we do, we take the apology out of being a woman.

What I have come to realize is that women need to embrace all of these aspects of themselves if they truly wish to feel whole and stand in their full authentic feminine power. This includes learning how use their sexual power not to survive but to thrive. To change the current paradgim which is thousands of years old and by which we still live. Understanding how to be and use this magnificent power is key if we wish to create a world where women are safe to be women and where we can live in partnership with men.

How You Can Do This

The first thing is to begin to understand who these images of the feminine are to you personally is to take the time to find out who you most identify with.
Ask yourself these questions:
  1. Which aspects do I fear or feel comfortable with.
  2. Who draws me in and fascinates me?
  3. Which aspcet do I long to know better.
  4.  How am I currently showing up in the world regarding my sexual power and expression?
For the most part women have been forced to use their sexuality to survive. We see throughout history that women’s sexual power has been feared, her body a symbol of life and the power to create, was made to seem evil, something that tempted men away from the divine.
Through getting to know the various archetypes of the goddess which represent feminine sexuality and love we can begin to learn more about ourselves and our sexual expression. We can also begin to embody more of the qualities we wish to express. Through getting to know each archetype those aspects you wish to embrace, you will have a better understanding of your own nature. By practicing ritual, creating an altar, learning the art of adornment and invoking the energy of that aspect to be with you, you will begin to own more of your wholeness of your feminine nature, as a sexually powerful woman.

By awakening to your own inner goddesses, priestesses of love and embodying more of their qualities, you can finally begin to integrate all of the sexual archetypes both for yourself and for the collective.

We can also begin to explore what new archetypes of  the goddess of love and sexuality we wish to create for a new world that is no longer afraid of the feminine, but rather honors, reveres and celebrates her power as we once did many thousands of years ago.

If you are interested in learning more about how you can learn to bring the Goddess of Love more into your life, and to embody more of her sexual archetypes please join me on my Free Intro Call: A Taste of the Goddesses of Love this Saturday January 23rd or go to my website: The School of Womyn's Mysteries

Thursday, October 22, 2015


Sexual healing as a profession is a fairly recent phenomenon beginning with Sex Therapy and over the past 15 years, broadening to include trained and certified sexual healers, also known as Sacred Intimates, Sexological Bodyworkers, Dakas and Dakinis.

For decades these courageous women and men have offered their services to women who have bravely sought them out for a deeper awakening to their sexuality. For hundreds of years women have hardly been allowed to have any sexual libido at all and if they did they were classified as hysterical. The medical profession gave this name to the symptoms of women who had too much pent up sexual energy in the Victorian Age and treated it with hands-on therapy provided by a physician. This doctor would stimulate the clitoris of the patient until she had an orgasm or paroxysm (release of tension). Of course they also thought that a lobotomy would calm the woman down and so many hundreds if not thousands of women were literally made into zombies of sorts. With no frontal lobe you would be very calm and zombielike.

 Thank the Goddess that that practice was abandoned and that today women are blessed to have other forms of sexual healing. Today sexual healing has come out of the closet and is finally being seen as a legitimate profession.

Dr. Christiane Northrup, physician, best-selling author and internationally renowned women's health expert commented, "Up until very recently, hands-on sexual healing has been cloaked in secrecy, shame, and misunderstanding. But a bold new group of courageous pioneers like Pamela Madsen, are leading the way toward a deeper, richer understanding of women's sexual pleasure as a force for health and healing that positively affects all areas of their lives. The new feminism includes embracing our erotic power, and hands-on sexual healing in the right setting can be a very effective way to accomplish this." Clearly hands-on-sexual healing is slowly seeping into the mainstream with such shows as HBO’s Hung.


Body armoring is a term Wilhelm Reich used to describe when the muscular tissue of the body responds to emotional as well as physical trauma by tensing up in a protective reflex. Over time, these tissues become chronically stiff and hard, blocking sensation and energy flow in the affected area. Armoring is an instinctive protective device whose purpose is to defend against experiencing physical or emotional pain. When a person can no longer feel or respond to sexual or sensual pleasure in an area of the body, in this case the genitals, we call this genital armoring.

Deborah Anapol, author, sex educator, in her article What is Sexual Healing states, "Genital armoring initially occurs when children are shamed or discouraged from touching their genitals, enjoying their bodies through masturbation and engaging in natural exploration with peers. It can also result from invasive medical interventions (i.e. abortion, hysterectomy, circumcision, or cesarean delivery) insensitive or unskilled partners, rough handling, overuse of vibrators, emotional trauma, and from unfulfilling lovemaking. The most dramatic and severe genital armoring is often a result of rape or child sexual abuse but ordinary people with no personal history of abuse can easily acquire enough armoring to drastically limit their sexual pleasure simply by being exposed to society’s typical anti-sex messages.


Sexual healing can cover many areas of your sexual expression, from healing sexual abuse to feeling more pleasure throughout your body and having more full-bodied orgasms. You may wish to see a sex therapist for sexual dysfunction or a psychologist who specializes with sexual abuse and trauma or who offers hands-on sexual healing sessions.

Sexual healing from abuse can take years for some and often does. It can be an ongoing process, but if you are willing to do the necessary work which includes both talk and hands-on sexual-healing, you can recover. If wanting to just awaken more to your sexual energy and to open up more to sexual pleasure, or even just sensual pleasure, working with a sexual healer who offers a hands-on approach can be all that you need.

As a sexual healer and sex educator I have found that what is most needed for the client to recover is the ability to have a choice, to have control over what and when something takes place in a session. If all the client does is make a decision about something I ask her about then it is a successful session.

If you are a professional in the field of sexuality you may wish to take the training that I have co-developed called, The Somatic Sensual Healing Program We have two levels at the moment with more to come. The first level is dedicated to the healing of women and the second to the healing of men.

To find out more about this life changing course since you will be able to play the role of the client and receive healing as well as learn how to be a compassionate sexual healer, go to:

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Has the Beauty Myth Gone to Far, Labiaplasty Fad or Self Mutilation?

Has the beauty myth gone to far? It seems that way to me. I have recently become aware of the growing fad of what is commonly called, labiaplasty and vaginaplasty. My first glimpse of this phenomena was on a documentary, Sexy Baby. This very informative documentary follows three women and their stories regarding, sex and teens, labiaplasty, and cultural over-sexualization of girls.

As a writer and teacher about sacred sexuality and women’s body image I have read about the oversexualization of girls, (see my article) Do You Know, What’s Happening in Girl World?. But this newest phenomenon, labiaplasty was a revelation to me as I watched Sexy Baby. The woman in this documentary who had this surgery done said that she felt her labia lips were ugly, too large and she felt depressed about her genitals. The question I wanted to ask her was how did she get the idea that her genitals were ugly and too large? Who did she compare herself to, since looking at other women’s vaginas is not a common practice in our culture today. The answer she gave was porn stars. She also said her boyfriend commented on her vulva and compared her to a porn star. It seems she and her former boyfriend use to watch porn together and she saw that all the women had perfect looking vulva. In this young woman’s mind because her labia did not look like a porn star, who by the way, are groomed to look a certain way because they are in a movie, she felt ugly. She actually said she was so uncomfortable the way her labia looked that she felt stuck in her life and had to have the surgery. Did this woman not understand that porn stars have to look good for their work. If they didn’t have perfect bodies, they wouldn’t be appealing to the audience they are selling sex to, which is primarily men. We also can say that the men in porn all have large penises and great abs, the women perfect measurements and beautiful labia. Everyone is shaved and groomed immaculately in order to have sex on camera.

But this is not real, this is fantasyland. For Barbie Dolls and porn stars to now be the standard of how a “real woman” should look, is saying that something is drastically wrong with our cultural views of female beauty. In Naomi Wolf’s book, The Beauty Myth, she delves deep into the mass marketing of female beauty…stating that women are continually brainwashed by the media and Madison Ave. standards of what a sexy, beautiful woman should look like. And even though this book was written a decade ago, it is unfortunately even more relevant today.

What is happening to young women who have been born after the second wave of the women’s liberation movement affects all women.
My own God Daughter who has just turned 14, although more aware than most girls her age of how women are portrayed, is still very impressionable and subject to peer pressure to look a certain way which for today’s teens seems to be “sexy” or chic slut.
For a generation of women to believe that their genitals are ugly because they have large labia lips tells us that these women are feeling less self esteem, have a poor body image and a serious lack of understanding about female sexuality. The culture is filled with ads, music, films and other media telling girls/women that they are not sexy enough or pretty enough unless they look a certain way, which is continuously giving young girls and women the message they are not good enough the way they are.

“So it's a cause for concern that 11- to 14-year-olds are already so self-conscious about their intimate parts. An image is already being set that something is wrong with them, when it's highly likely that they're completely normal.” (Dr. Iglesia)
Our sex-crazed, culture has created generations of girls and women who have distorted views of what being a sexy woman looks like. The underlying message is that women have to do something to change their bodies to be attractive to men and society at large.

In the documentary The Perfect Vagina (NSFW) a woman from the UK sets out to understand why women are going under the knife to alter the look of their genitalia, a form of self-mutilation. She notes that labiaplasty is the fastest growing cosmetic surgery in the UK, and one of the fastest growing operations in the United States. But women are not the only ones who are ignorant and lack good sex education about themselves. Men too, encourage this type of surgery, as discovered by the writer of this documentary. The fact that a man may not find a woman’s vaginal lips attractive says that he too is in need of a thorough education regarding female anatomy.

What They Are Not Telling You

According to Dr. Linda Cardozo (gynecologist), requests from the UK’s National Health Service for what she calls a “designer vagina” have doubled in the last five years. Cardozo is concerned about the well being of women because a labiaplasty means being subjected to a largely unregulated procedure, one that involves the risk of permanent scarring, infections, bleeding and irritation, as well as major changes in vaginal sensitivity. According to the documentary, a labiaplasty procedure can take up to three months to fully heal. In the worst cases, post-operative clitoral hood deformity can occur.

Cardozo noted that it isn’t rare to have three generations from the same family come into her office all looking for the same type of labia reduction. She comments that women are desiring to have a vagina that looks like that of a little girl, which will never truly come to fruition because these women aren’t and will never be little girls again.

This trend toward having “vaginal rejuvenation” or female genital cosmetic procedures, such as “vaginaplasty”, “revirgination” and “G-spot amplification”, are symptoms of a culture that has become even more dependent upon the “quick fix” rather than educating oneself and broadening your understanding of your body and sexuality. I think even a more repressed reason for this kind of surgery to be on the rise, is the hidden shame that all women carry, since Eve, for being a sexual woman and how this fact somehow caused the downfall of man. The power of a woman’s body and her sex still seems to be something we are all still apologizing for. Somehow I know in the core of my soul, that women today are still being influenced by this mass collective belief that has been handed down from mother to daughter for lifetimes.

"More than 2,140 U.S. women underwent 'vaginal rejuvenation' last year, according to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery. The International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons put the U.S. total at nearly 5,200 in 2010. Experts note such figures do not include the many procedures done by gynecologists." (Medscape)

The old paradigm regarding women, which says that a woman’s worth is only based on how she looks physically and how attractive she is to a man, must change.

The Solution to this Growing Problem
Education may not be the only solution but in truth is one of the best ways to help end this newest fad. When girls and women are educated about their Herstory, when they are able to see how women are still viewed in our society today, and when they are taught better sex education about their own bodies, then young girls, women will begin to have better self esteem and make better choices for themselves. Many of the reasons that women get these procedures done could be eliminated with just a little bit more of information and a few good exercises for a vaginal face lift.
In many tantric traditions (see my article, The Tantric Tradition of Typing Genitaila, Does Size Really Matter?, the typing of both male and female genitals are quite common. They are generally named and specific attributes of each type are explained. Knowing what type you are and what type your partner is can make a world of difference in terms of sexual satisfaction, but more so in terms of accepting and appreciating your vagina or penis the method it is. You will learn by reading more about the type you are, that your genitals are not abnormal because they don’t look like porn stars genitals but just perfect the way they are, The Yoni Empowerment Ceremony/Playshop.

As part of my work in the world, you could even say my mission, I created a workshop/ceremony called The Yoni (Sanskrit word for vulva), Empowerment Puja (sacred ceremony). At these playshop/ceremonies I have personally witnessed women who have hated the way their genitals looked when they began the day and left feeling that their vulvas were beautiful. Part of the metamorphosis that occurs during this one or two day ceremony is that women begin to have a more connected relationship with their yoni/vulva.

Through a process I call Yoni Speak, you may, for the first time, begin to actually speak and listen to your vulva. When you begin to feel a deeper connection with this very special part of your woman’s body, you will learn what she really wants from you which will most likely be very different from what you want.

I also provide sex education on the different types of female genitalia. As mentioned earlier one of the most powerful things a woman can do for herself is to see other women’s vulvas. Yes, I know this may sound a bit crazy, but being able to see other women who have a similar genital type as you can make all the difference in the world. Without actually being able to see other vulvas, some different some the same as yours, you cannot truly know how normal and beautiful your genitals are.

As well as learning about the different types of female genitalia, creating a mold of your yoni as a sacred altar piece and decorating it, is a very empowering and life changing experience. It may sound simple but by going through the process of first creating the mold, then in silence communing with your Yoni and listening to how “she” wants you to decorate her, will change how you see and feel about your vulva forever. One participant told me that she thought she had nothing to learn about her yoni, but after making the altar piece she had a whole new relationship with her vulva.

In conclusion I hope that if you are a woman reading this article, or know of a woman who has thought of getting one of these procedures done, please do yourself and your friend a favor by taking the time to see what other alternatives exist. My intention for writing this article is in part to bring awareness to other solutions and to provide you with alternative ways to learn how you can like and even love your genitals and your whole body.

For some additional resources please check out: resources The Centerfoldproject.

Note: Some providers, particularly in Australia and New Zealand, want these procedures banned because they consider them akin to female genital mutilation, particularly when the surgery includes clitoral hood reduction.

Sunday, September 14, 2014


Are we ready to evolve in how we related to each other, regardless of the form, so that we can finally begin to live into the highest and most loving version of ourselves? Craig Hamilton of Integral Enlightenment, says yes!

Many of us have sense that there’s a potential for an extraordinary type of human relationship, marked by an unprecedented level of intimacy, vulnerability, authenticity, and transparency, essentially being with each other without any boundaries or barriers, being together truly beyond ego.

Over the past few years I have written several articles that have been on the topic of enlightened partnering or conscious relationships for the 21st Century. These articles have spoken not only to romantic relationships but have addressed all forms of how we relate to each other. So when I read an article based on some of the teachings of Craig Hamilton, on A Radical Way to Grow Spiritually in Relationship, I was thrilled.
First he mentions that there are three categories of people:

1) Those who have no interest in your personal/spiritual evolution or their own
2) Those who are curious and interested in personal/spiritual evolution, but who aren’t as committed as you to the spiritual path
3) Those who are totally committed to doing their own work and growing with you in an active partnership (what he calls “evolutionary relationships”).

I called these Spiritual or Enlightened Relationships but Craig uses the term Evolutionary which I think is even more accurate. Since the beginning of humanity we have evolved from Pro-Magnum man to the present form of Homo sapiens. This has been an evolutionary journey and our evolution as a species never stops for in truth if it did humanity would surely annihilate itself. Since we are continuing to evolve in consciousness it makes perfect sense that we should evolve in how we relate to one in other.

Craig says that an evolutionary relationship is not necessarily one that is about romance or sex at all. In fact, that dimension can often complicate things. He says that many of us are ready to experience an extraordinary way of being in human relatedness marked by an “unprecedented level of intimacy, vulnerability, authenticity, and transparency, essentially being with each other without any boundaries or barriers, being together truly beyond the ego”.

You may have experienced this type of relationship already or had a taste of it. I know that I have if only for a brief moment in time. You may have sensed the potential with someone to move into a more dynamic, growing, vital, dynamic, and thriving connection, resisting the urge to rest on familiar, known ground but have not known how to go about cultivating it. Very few relationships will ever evolve to this level as it requires a rare quality of dedication to self-awareness that is often a life-long pursuit. Craig teaches us how to be proactive about cultivating such relationships. To do this requires essentially establishing a sacred contract, setting up what he calls “an evolutionary partnership”, which can be governed by the following radical principles.

Principles of an Evolutionary Partnership

1. The very context and organizing principle of the relationship is conscious evolution beyond ego.
This is the very purpose of why we’re in the relationship. Instead of organizing around comfort, survival, mutual benefit, comfort, and connection, in this kind of relationship, we explicitly commit to coming together for a higher purpose. That’s the “why” of the whole thing. We have a shared agreement for why we’re here. Instead of colluding together to protect and preserve the status quo of the relationship, we’re willing to put the relationship at risk, to constantly challenge the relationship, as a way to evolve spiritually together, as a way to avoid falling into stuck, habitual patterns that lead the relationship to go to sleep.

2. We agree to be mutually accountable to something higher than ourselves.
In most conventional relationships, we’re attempting to negotiate between two people’s individual needs and desires. The personal self is the only context we have, so the relationship is the result of two isolated personal selves with their own unique agendas attempting to negotiate so they can be in relationship together without too much conflict. Typically, we ask, “What do YOU want to do? What do I want to do? What are we both willing to give up so we can meet in the middle?” But in an evolutionary relationship, our #1 priority is aligning with Divine will, rather than focusing exclusively on our own personal desires or the desires of the person we’re in partnership with. When a conflict comes up, we’re interested not just in both personal points of view, but in what’s the right thing to do from the highest perspective, in service to the highest good of all beings. It’s about not caring so much what you get out of the relationship or what the other person gets out of it. It’s more about a mutual seeking of truth, of what’s right and whole and aligned. We ask, instead, “What’s the right thing to do to the best that we can discern it?” This way, there is no fundamental conflict. You both want the same thing…the highest good, rather than focusing on personal desires. You’ll always find your way through when you’re genuinely prioritizing this outcome. There is no “winner” or “loser” because the highest good always wins- and you both want that.

3. We recognize that we have an ego, that we’re prone to error.
Because we acknowledge that we both have egos, we know that we are prone to misinterpretation of circumstances. I defined ego here, according to Craig’s definition, so don’t be misled by a term that often gets misused. Read what I wrote about ego here. When we both acknowledge our own egos and our potential for error, we come together with the commitment to try to see clearly, beyond the ego. This means we’re willing to call each other on unhealthy patterns and try to break those patterns. It’s an exercise in mutual humility, acknowledging that we aren’t going to do it right, that our egos are going to screw us up, but that we’re mutually committed to trying to uncover what is true, in spite of being prone to error. This way, there’s no compulsion to defend your point of view. You’re both committed to seeing what is true. It’s a radical act, to be willing to stop defending your motives whenever you are challenged. Because we both have egos, we must recognize that we’re prone to distortions and be willing to acknowledge that with humility.

4. Despite the fact that we have egos and are prone to error, we want to be accountable to our potentials, to our highest and best selves.
This means that even though both parties know we are prone to errors in judgment and distortion, we’re not using that as an excuse at all. We are acknowledging that we always have a choice in the matter. Our egoic limitations are not an excuse for not showing up fully. We acknowledge that we have a right to expect this from each other, even though we have egos and tendencies for error. This only works with two people who are really committed to showing up in this way, wanting to be accountable and be held accountable. It’s not about always getting it right. We’re going to screw up. It’s not about beating each other up for our tendency to be prone to error. It’s about committing to operating at a risk-taking edge, which requires a lot of trust and commitment to mutual accountability.

5. The context for our engagement together is about leaning into our evolutionary edges, where we’re growing and evolving, sharing a mutual interest in our evolving edges.Rather than meeting in our limitations, fears, and doubts, colluding in how we’re failing to show up to our highest potential, complaining about what doesn’t work, we take a stand for meeting in service to our highest potentials. Some relationships are based on sharing every that’s wrong or not working or where we’re struggling or fearful. This fifth principle is about making that off limits, not that there’s no place to talk about your limitations, but that the relationship is meant to lift up what’s possible, rather than to devolve into a shared bitchfest that drags both parties down. The context for the engagement, therefore, is from a place of desiring to manifest our highest potential, taking a stand for one another’s higher potential, reaching for what’s possible, sharing what comes up as we awaken. It’s a positive, uplifting context for engagement, but a challenging one, because it’s a stretch and requires moving out of habitual patterns that tend to plague a lot of spiritually-minded or psychologically-minded relationships.

6. We agree to be mirrors for one another.
Rather than merely affirming each other’s self-image, as most relationships operate, we agree to reflect to the other person things about who they are that might be outside of their awareness. We tend to see others more clearly than we see ourselves. As evolutionary partners, we agree to lovingly and gently, without judgment, point out blind spots in each other to help illuminate what we might not be seeing clearly in ourselves. This includes mirroring back not only negative traits- things that need to evolve- but also positive things that we may not see within ourselves. This includes mirroring back how we’re growing and where we’re making progress. We can not only help undo negative patterns; we can also mirror back the uplifting things we may not see in ourselves. This means being willing to challenge each other’s assumptions, really striving to help each other see ourselves more clearly.

7. We aspire to set an example for one another.
We are not perfect. We are not going to always get it right. But we are aspiring to model what it means to have an evolutionary and enlightened relationship to life, stretching vulnerably into the unknown. We aspire to uplift each other through our own examples. This means radical transparency. In many close relationships, you devolve when you get comfortable. You let that person see your worst self. But in these relationships we aspire to be our best selves, not our worst self with each other.

Are You Involved In Any Evolutionary Relationships? Do You Feel They Are Possible?
What have you learned from engaging with another person in this way? What challenges have you faced? What triumphs have you experienced? Share your wisdom and stories in the comments.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Unwinding, Unraveling and Opening to Being Presence

These past few weeks have been a true opportunity for me to let go of everything I have been striving for in the outer world. Yes, I returned from a conference where I was a presenter, and felt such a let down. I know that part of that was due to my wanting to have had a different outcome from that trip, but also it was because I had been so geared up for weeks preparing that after it was over I felt done. No motivation to go on, to do anything regarding work. I fortunately, have had some time to be able to allow myself to just let go of the doer, and unwind even more from that place. As I went deeper into the feelings of not only physical exhaustion but of the constant pushing myself to get things done, to be the entrepreneur and promote my work etc. I began to just unravel what has been running me most of my adult life.

I have pretty much always wanted to have my own business or my own work be what I do full time. I thought that if I just achieved that I would be somebody. I would be able to support myself comfortably, I would have recognition in the women's community, I would have the community I wanted and the new friends etc. The realization that my life was not a reflection of any of those things and that where I am is a far cry from what I wanted, was what I needed to accept. Resistance shows up as anything that you feel not at peace with. So in my case I was not at peace with my life on any level. Not only with my work or striving to have a career, but with my finances, my home situation, and even with my relationships. I needed to STOP all the seeking, running around and trying to create out there fulfillment. I needed to STOP and just face it all as it was, and accept my life the way it was. To really face the what if I never have the career I want, or the community or partner or money...what if I never achieve any of these things. Facing this is not small task as it requires a deep commitment to the TRUTH and a willingness to see what is TRUE about myself.

Unraveling the machine that was still running my life, even though I thought it wasn't. It was obvious that it was and that it was time to just stop everything. To lay all of it down at the feet of the Divine within myself and without that is life itself. That higher intelligence that is the creator/creatrix of everything. The all knowing, omnipresent and omniscient energy that you and I come from and are an expression of. For me striving for something, having an outer purpose to get up in the morning was what gave my life meaning. I was always driven by this purpose as you may be as well. And it is unfortunate that so many light workers and true spiritual seekers find themselves searching for this outer purpose first rather than focusing on their inner purpose which is to awaken to the Truth of who you are.

This unraveling of the doer and once again dropping into Being seemed to be what was the next unfoldment in my life. I have to say that although it felt like a relief it was also a bit scary to face everything that I had been running on and felt motivated by. What if I just stopped being motivated then what? Now I finally understood what Eckhart Tolle said when he shared that when he first truly awakened he sat on a park bench for 2 years and did nothing. He was just being and for the first time being was more important than doing. The discovery of who one is, to meet your True finally realize that because you exist you are enough has been for me a very monumental realization. This is not because I have not known this or even felt this at times, but it is because at this time in my life, I am ready to know it beyond a shadow of a doubt. For me, trusting my SELF in all ways, knowing that I AM enough, has been my life long soul's teaching. I exist therefore I Am, I Am therefore I exist. Nothing else is needed to fulfill or complete me. There is of course no me to complete when I recognize this as the Truth of who I am.

This unraveling of the doer and allowing myself to just be with whatever is showing up, to not feel driven to accomplish something each day or to get myself out there, is like rewiring my nervous system. I have known about the feminine way of being and have been opening to living my life more and more from that place, but have most of the time been practicing life from a more masculine energy. The feminine allows the masculine pushes and strives. The feminine supports through intention, the masculine has goals and take action to achieve them. Both are needed in the process of manifestation, but as I have learned, for women, it is crucial to learn how to turn on our feminine hormones, Oxytocin rather than to manifest through our adrenals and make it happen with Testosterone. To allow ourselves to first be, relax, move into a place of more alignment with who we are first, then to set our intentions and take inspired action from there. This has been for me a new way of manifesting, or as I like to say femafesting. It is something that has taken me time to adapt to, and as you can see I am still very new to living my life from the feminine way of being and doing. I can no longer live any other way since Being is the only way to truly accomplish anything with ease, grace and flow. There is of course a paradox in this as there always seems to be when speaking of these types of things.

You must first learn how to completely let go of being the doer in order for anything to actually get done with ease.

So as I met Myself once again, and was able to just let go again of the need to have my life be different from he way it is and to Stop everything, I found the peace I was seeking. From this place I have been able to do only what I am feeling inspired to do and yes I am still taking care of the practical things that need to be taken care of. But when I try to get motivated to work on my writing or "do" something from that old place I can't as I feel exhausted again. I am only willing to do what I feel inspired to do in each moment as much as possible. It seems that my life has had to fall apart completely in order for me to finally open up and learn how to live life from this new place of Acceptance, Being and Inspired Action.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

The New Devine Feminine

There is something exciting afoot these days that has been percolating for decades. This “something” is a new way of being for women and all people everywhere. For thousands of years the feminine energy has struggled to stay alive in a male dominated world. This energy has re-surged throughout history for periods of time. When it has thrived we have called it a Golden Age, for music, medicine, science, art, love and life have flourished. The old ideas of competition, might over right, private ownership, greed, domination and war virtually did not exist. Peace and prosperity reigned during these times and feminine based values of collaboration, co-creation, connection to the natural world and to each other. It has been several thousand years since the world has experienced a true Golden Age and a world and to our divinity, where all life was revered were honored and celebrated. Not since the Renaissance in Europe, have we known such a rebirth of art, science, and medicine where some of the patriarchal values shifted allowing the feminine to come forth once again. It has been foretold for thousands of years by both the Mayan Calendar and Vedas that 2012 was the beginning of another Golden Age, one that would last for 10,000 years. This Golden Age would be like no other for it would be during this time that a new world would be born. This world would once again bring into balance the masculine and feminine principles of life allowing the feminine energy to lead the way, but not the feminine as we have known it but in its new form, the Solar Feminine. The Solar Feminine began to stream onto the planet with the Venus Transit. We saw Venus in front of the Sun which was blazing its light behind and through her. Venus, the symbol of the love and the Divine Feminine, is now in front of the Sun which has been traditionally viewed as masculine. The feminine is now in the forefront of masculine energy but the masculine is supporting the feminine this time. There is no need for the feminine to go underground to survive in a male dominated world but rather to thrive, be fully seen and supported by all. The world is now ready to open its arms in a more loving embrace toward the feminine and has begun to truly see that embracing feminine values is not only a more conscious and loving way to live but a necessity if we are to survive. The New Divine Feminine is allowing a renaissance, rebirth of feminine based values to lead us into our promised Golden Age or The Age of Light. The New Divine Feminine is also bringing forth a new paradigm for women to live by. What I mean by this, is that what we have defined as feminine has been based upon masculine values and how men have interpreted what the feminine is and how they would like women to be. We have been brought up with these misinterpretations as have generations of our mothers and grandmothers. A new paradigm for women has needed to come forth so that women can learn how to live in a new way with each other. This new way of being encourages women to collaborate rather than compete, trust each other rather than mistrust, to value each other as much as they value being with a man and to honor and value themselves. When women embrace each other as the Divine Feminine incarnate then the world will follow. The New Divine Feminine is the next octave of the vibration of the feminine for the 21stCentury. It brings us the opportunity to create new archetypes of the feminine and masculine, to weave a new story of creation as we are living it and to align more and more with our destiny as spiritual beings having a human experience. We are all beginning to live our divine purpose as this new world takes shape based on the complimentary energies of both the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine, and as we learn how to integrate these energies within ourselves. Meditation on Your Inner Masculine and Feminine One of the most powerful ways you can integrate your inner masculine and feminine is through a ceremony that you design for yourself. You can take an inner journey to first meet your inner male or masculine side and ask him what he wants from you. What does he need to be strong and to feel supported? See him what does he look like? Feel him. Then do the same for your inner woman, feminine and ask her what she needs from you or from your inner male to feel supported. See her and feel her energy within yourself. You can allow the questions and answers to arise in the moment. Once you feel complete thank them and ask them if they would be willing to merge with each other within you. From here you can see your inner woman and man, or your feminine and masculine selves walking toward each other and simply merging with each other, or any way that you feel is right for you. When this is over sit quietly and tune into how you are feeling. You may discover that you feel more whole and peaceful now with both aspects of yourself. The New Divine Feminine is a new way for us to allow the feminine to lead us into this Age of Light. Women may take the lead in this but men too will follow. The story of Durga tells us that once when the world was threatened by demons who created much suffering and havoc on Earth, the kings and high standing men called upon the Goddess Durga to save the world. Durga is a Tibetan warrior goddess who is more fierce than even Kali. She responded to their call and answered that she would come and save the world. She did, and when all was restored and peace reigned again, she told the all the rulers on Earth that if they should ever need her again they should just call for Durga as it would be through the the feminine that the world could be saved again. To me this story reflects that it is through the fierce feminine energy and the restoration and implementation of feminine values that we as a culture, country and This is our choice, of course, but I choose to say 'Yes!' to this invitation and I invite you to do the same.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

A New Paradigm for Women

What is the true meaning of being a sister to another woman? This question of how women can create new ways of being with each other is an on going one for me. One the the key components for building trust between women is to give your women friends equal billing with your primary partner if you have one. It is unfortunate that our culture has fostered competition between women, so that women often find it hard to trust other women especially when it comes to men. It seems that what really causes us to compete with each other over a man is our "primal need factor". This is our primal urge to be protected and provided for by a man. This basic urge is often the motivation behind our behavior when it comes to "keeping our man," even though we may not be aware of it. Women have been accepting this need and acting it out for so long that it has become our norm, and so we just accept that this is how women are. But does this have to be the way it is? No, I believe it doesn't. We are more than just our primal instinctual urges. Maybe it was a necessity to have a man provide and take care of us thousands of years ago, but today we know that women are very capable of taking care of themselves. Choosing a mate is not solely based on needing food, shelter and protection any longer. And yet, many women still believe that this is so and operate from that prime directive. So where do we go from here? The idea that women can learn to trust another woman and no longer choose to be run by the need to compete with her for a man, or to keep him, is an idea whose time has come. I believe that by choosing to be a true friend and sister, or as I like to call it, a Temple Sister to another woman, we are choosing to create a new paradigm. Of course we have to practice being a Temple Sister first with our close friends. We have to embody the qualities that support that consciousness. Some of these qualities are: She recognizes that because she has the same body as every woman she is feels connected, bonded with all women everywhere. She sees herself in all women and has an open heart She is a woman who has learned to love and accept herself fully, in all ways and therefore can love and accept her "sister" in the same way. She is confident regarding her own abilities and therefore is willing to share herself with other women. She loves her body and feminine form just the way it is and can appreciate other women's beauty no matter what package it comes in. She has compassion for her own journey and therefore she can honor and have compassion for the journey of other women. You can actually read about all of the qualities of being a Temple Sister at The School of Womyn's Mysteries. In many cultures and societies women have always known that part of their power lies within having strong relationships with other women. For thousands of years,women have come together in circle to share their stories, to hold council and to bleed. What is new now is that we have entered into a new time in the world where we are ready to let go of our old programming of competition and distrust and to open to the new way of collaboration and sisterhood. I know that for myself, and I am someone who truly loves and appreciates my women friends, that somewhere deep inside is a feeling that someone prettier, younger or whatever is not to be entirely trusted. Most of the time this isn't an issue, but I know that if I have this feeling then other women do too. The new paradigm I speak of is a movement that starts from within ourselves first and so the work must be done on a personal level. From this place of healing ourselves we then reach out to other women, we can behave differently, we can respond and be with whatever situation arises in a more conscious and loving way. We can learn to treat each other the way we wish to be treated. There is no quick fix to creating a new way of being with women. Each of us must first commit to being the kind of woman/sister we want others to be for us. To end competition between us over a man we must first be willing to acknowledge that these feelings exist and secondly confront our fears and deal with them. We must also be aware that this is a very old pattern that has been held in place by the prevailing male dominant values that exist. And so our healing can only take place when we are willing to break free of these patterns and step into something new. I invite all of you to go to and sign-up for the FREE membership as a Temple Sister and become apart of this new movement.